IF ONLY LIFE WAS LIKE A PARAGRAPH

Recently received feedback that my blogs were long. No paragraphs. I understand the concept of paragraphs and am fully capable of using them. For some reason, I have been writing in this blog as if it were one long stream of consciousness. It's not. Paragraphs have a beginning and an end. There is a main idea. One detail can be the highlight of the paragraph. In fiction, paragraphs can be one word, one sentence or a conversation. Paragraphs can be indented or not, but do need some kind of stand alone look about them. Life is not like a paragraph. It kind of swirls around, you cannot be sure where things are going to land most of the time. Life is messy, but in mostly a good way. The concept of a paragraph may help put order to my thoughts and perhaps help the lovely readers to follow my thoughts. This is the end of my thoughts on paragraphs.

I have a few more things to say about the trip to Berlin. It's been great fun showing the pictures to friends who seemed amazed that we all got along so well. There were questions like: So was there any tension? Did you have fights? We really did get along and if there was tension, people kept it to themselves. This is very much not like my family of origin or even Craig's. When my siblings gather, the adults feel compelled to share all their thoughts. It doesn't take long for at least one person to be offended. People even make things up. Not blatant lies, more like assumptions such as I think he/she deliberately is trying to sabatoge my wedding. These assumptions are based on some fairly sketchy evidence like a missed phone call. More importantly, the tension builds because someone always has to bring up the past. It cannot lie peacefully in the past where it belongs. The tension builds and usually results in people not speaking to each other, sometimes for years, until the next family gathering.

In Craig's family, the tension is associated with the details of extravaganzas. Over the top is the standard that seems impossible to reach, but somehow must be reached. There is tension among family members, but it bubbles under the surface, in huddles among two or three family members. There are no dramatic confrontations, accusations or drawing of the swords like in my family. I think there is a lot more crying in Craig's family. My family yells or seeths in very scary ways.

Now we get to observe our own adult children interact. We are no longer the center of their lives.
They come and go, seem to enjoy our company and even better seem to accept our idiosyncracies. Like going to bed early. They have their own relationships, separate from their relationship to us the parents. They are the three together and then the many combination of diads that results from the number three. It gives us, the parents, delight that they maintain contact, visit each other and support one another.

Traveling with twelve year olds or when they act like twelve year olds only more fun

We recently returned from a family trip to Berlin, Germany. The purpose was to visit Tommy who spent his junior year of college in that city. The idea of a trip perculated for some time, starting with me. I considered inviting Craig, well he was invited, but there were many obstacles to him coming along including obtaining a passport, getting the time off and really wanting to travel to a foreign country. It didn't look good for Craig last fall. But I was wrong on that account which will become clear later in this blog. I asked Christopher and he seemed interested. He had the same issues as his father, but with less reservations about foreign travel. Erica had a trip planned for January 2008 so she was all set. Around April, Craig and Chris both applied for and received their passports within a few days. Mrs. Buttinski arranged time off for Craig through his secretary. Mrs. Buttinski is my alter ego. She is everything I aspire to be in real life but somehow never quite reach the mark. You know: decisive, organized, outspoken and pretty much a know it all. Or would like to know it all. She is called "Mrs. B" for short. I bought the tickets, made reservations at the hotel and we were ready to fly to Berlin, via New Jersey and Amsterdam the last week of May. When Erica found out that four out of the five members of our family were on vacation for a week she decided to join the group. She said: this can't be the Dreisbach family vacation that almost happened. I am sorry to say that this was only our second vacation in twenty years. You cannot count visiting relatives, because that, as it turns out, is not a vacation. It is visiting relatives which actually violates most rules that define vacation. Our other vacation occured about 15 years ago when we took a week to see Gettysburg (Craig is passionate about the Civil War), Amish Country in Pennsylvania and New York City. It was a wonderful vacation and I am fairly certain that all five members of our family have lovely memories of that week. But back to Berlin. Tommy seemed excited about his entire family coming for a visit. He assured us that he would organize an interesting itinerary and there was a lot of talk about trains, buses and trams. Transportation became quite the interesting feature of our vacation as it turned out. Erica reserved a flight and we were to meet in Newark for a few hours. She had a direct flight to Berlin and would wait for us at the Tegel airport. When our little trio of me, Craig and Chris checked into the Boston airport Craig inquired about the possibility of changing our flight so we could be with Erica. This was unusual behavior on Craig's part, that is veering from an established plan, especially about a flight. Craig has a history of bad flight karma. If it can go wrong, it will. You have to accept that your flight will be delayed or cancelled if you fly with Craig. It's not his fault. Not one bit. Anyways, the clerk had one of those friendly, open faces that you like right away. She got on the phone and called her friend "Oz". He turned out to be the Wizard of Oz because he put us on Erica's flight and even arranged for Chris to sit next to her. And there was no extra charge. All of Craig's previous bad flight karma was instantly erased by this extraordinary turn of events. It was reinstated later, on the return flight. More on that later. So we did not have to land in Amsterdam, but flew directly to Berlin. We took a taxi and found our hotel a few hours before check-in time. Wandered around the city looking for a cafe. We were refueled with coffee and patries and returned to the hotel. There was a very nice park across the street and we decided to hang out there until the 3pm check-in. Of course, we were tired after a rather sleepless night on the red-eye. The Wizard was not completely magnificent because Craig's seat was in the back by the flight attendants and the bathroom. People tended to lean on his seat while they waited for their turn in the loo. Apparantly, a lot of people on that flight had very weak bladders. We were also privy to the flight attendants chat fest regarding annoying customers and annoying co-workers. Apparantly there were also a lot of annoying people on that flight. So, we were tired. One by one, Craig, Chris and I fell asleep in the park. Some of us on the bench and some of us on the grass. Erica stayed awake because she sensed that the family needed supervision. She took pictures of us so we know that we were asleep. Soundly. Some of us in some pretty awkward positions. We later learned, from our walks through the park, that a lot of cranky old men with alcoholic tendencies also hang out in the park. Erica's instincts to keep vigil were not unfounded. Finally, we checked in, washed up and napped some more. Tommy breezed in around 6pm and the games began. He immediately bought us each a train/bus ticket that was good for the week. Those tickets were well used. This may not be true, but it feels true. We took every bus route available in Berlin. I need to comment on Tommy's behavior during this vacation. He actually took over as guide, interpreter and I have to say it: mother hen. Actually, sort of like a kindergarten teacher. He kept us together as a group, helped us cross streets, watch out for the bikers on the bike paths who would just assume run you down as go around you and got us off and on the trains. We were given advance notice so we could adjust to transitions more easily. He made sure that we ate regularly and time was alloted for naps every afternoon. I'm not sure, but I think that this inspired the group to start behaving like twelve year olds. There were a lot of silly songs and jokes about bodily functions. There was giggling. But we did not turn on each other. We were a tight unit. Our circle became especially tight during our encounters with a surly waitstaff at the hotel. Every morning we met for breakfast for a feast. It was luxurious. One of the waitstaff really did not like us. She did not even try to hide her disdain. Perhaps we were too obviously american. Maybe one of us reminded her of a boyfriend that treated her badly. Too bad for her. We were not going to change and not one of us even tried to charm her with our collectively considerable charm. Not to be wasted on miss sourpuss. Do you see the twelve year old tendencies? There is so much more to write about the trip. I have to wrap it up for today. I am actually writing this blog in the library because of fast internet service. We have dial-up at home and lately, it is getting slower and our e-mail is all screwed up. More later.