The College Years

Decided to tackle the college years. Our third child is in his senior year so I think there is considerable experience racked up regarding this phase in child rearing. Last week I heard the tail end of a radio interview featuring one of those "life coaches" who helps teens get into their college of choice. The price tag really made an impression. It costs $14 thousand dollars to coach a teen. I must confess a certain attitude when it comes to life coaches. I believe that you can get the same results from relying on friends and family members to offer advice and cheer you on in your goals. But the life coach gets a lot of money for the same efforts and who can blame them for charging. (Of course, I am a therapist and charge people for my services. I will write a blog later on about how my profession is different from friendship.) But, back to the theme of the day. Maybe people are more likely to take the advice if they have to pay for it. After all, one would hate to waste all that money spent on advice. Even if you find every word irrelevant or not anything you would want or need to do. Anyways, this whole concept of paying someone to help your kid get into the very best college is a reflection on the baby boomer's competitive nature regarding child rearing which involves raising a child who functions at superior levels which then reflects upon the superior child rearing abilities of the baby boomer parent. This focus on raising a superior child is capped off by the child attending a much sought after school. Preferably ivy league costing bucket loads of money. The more expensive, the more the parent can sigh and shake their head about financing their child's education. How did parents get so involved in their children's college admission process?

Here is my confession about my own college admission process. My parents laid down one rule. The college of my choice had to be within two hours driving range from our home. Other than that, live it up. That was one of my father's favorite phrases. I had a brief conversation with the high school guidance counselor who seemed bored, but happy to hand me information on the two biggest state colleges in Michigan. My grades and SAT scores were good enough to get into both schools. I did not visit either college. My boyfriend at the time had decided to attend the University of Michigan. The other college was Michigan State. Nicknamed "Moo U" if that gives you any indication of its reputation. It began as an agricultural college. I completed both applications. No essay or teacher recommendations were required. My decision making process was this: which ever college invited me first would be the college who got me. Although U of M had the shinier reputation and my boyfriend at the time was going there, I liked the idea of being an organization's early pick. Well, the rest is history because I met my husband Craig the first week at school and, as a result of this meeting, broke up with my boyfriend. Besides that I got a pretty good education and it only cost $9 thousand dollars for four years.

On the other hand, the college admission process for my three kids was a huge production. It involved essays, recommendations, reams of applications, rating colleges by sure thing, almost sure thing and reaching for the stars. Each application cost $50. There were decisions about early admission which meant a commitment to the college that welcomed you in December rather than the traditional following April. This process generally started during the Junior year and there was an expectation to visit as many colleges as possible. College visits really are just another way to create even more tension and wedge distance between parents and their teen. Want to witness disgust in its most exquisite state? Attend a college walk through and presentation. The other time one can witness similar emotional angst is the day parents move their freshman into the college dorm. All those years of superior child rearing for one of the unhappiest days of your life.

I want to write about my personal experience as a parent who helped their children during the college admission process. Each child's experiences were incredibly different. I attribute those differences to their unique personalities and my own growth as a parent. Or from sheer exhaustion. This is an opportunity for my own children to comment on the process. The next blog will address my hard earned wisdom on college admission. Ok so it may not be wisdom, my own smart aleck opinions on the whole damn thing.