The Beast Years

There is a serious misconception out there that the twenties are the "best years". I have been doing a lot of thinking about these years lately. Our son Chris recently moved to LA to attend the American Film Institute. He drove with his father in the Vibe across country so that he would have a car. There is no public transportation in LA. You have to drive. In fact, he says that anyone who does not have a car is shunned. The trip took a little more than 3 days. Yes, 3,900 miles in 3 days. It's not how I would have traveled. You can bet your job, your firstborn and your mortgage on that. There would have been many stops, perhaps a look at some of the sights you have to see before you die and certainly, we would have stopped in nice motels. I require a good mattress, clean shower (versus an unclean shower...use your imagination) and a decent cup of coffee just to even consider facing the rest of the day. But, they were efficient, if not comfortable and arrived with plenty of time for Craig to get an idea about life in LA. He reports that the rental house that Chris' friend Dan found was beautiful in its time. You know, like an older woman that people comment: oh, she must have been a beauty in her day. There will be plenty of room for the four housemates and that is largely because they have so little furniture. Craig was able to identify two beds and that was about it. They went shopping for some kitchen implements. He says that they will at least be able to make a pot of spaghetti. After awhile, it became overwhelming. You know, the traffic, the lack of furniture, the things that needed to be hooked up in the house and the sheer newness and unknowingness of everything. It's exciting and sickening at the same time to be so unsettled, so at the beginning. Two years ago, Erica moved to San Francisco. She sold most of her belongings in Boston and flew out to San Fran by herself. About a month after her move, I joined her to help her move to a more permanent apartment. We took a taxi across town and carried five boxes up the stairs. I was in awe of her courage.

We were there at one time too. I remember those years with great fondness but would not live them again.

Then there is the uncertainty of romantic relationships. The break-ups, the make-ups, the single without visitors and single with visitors. Really, our only criteria is that our children find someone who will make them happy and make them feel more like themselves. The looking is a grand adventure but being settled in a relationship of 30 years seems so much easier. Of course, there was a lot of work and a lot of making up during those 30 years. So we are watching our children struggle with so many decisions during their twenties. Work, where to live, relationships. The twenties are not the best years, they are the beast years. It's an amazing beast. Very mercurial, hungry and big. It is also a pleasure to watch our children make their decisions with so much grace and courage.