:: notes from daughter erica :: OR :: dating as you go ::

My mom is right. I have been going out on dates. My joke has been, "Dating: what's better than feeling alone? It's feeling alone with other people. ... Oh wait, it's worse. It's worse." My parents are both very fond of giving out dating advice. This, from two people who met and fell in love with their life-partner more than 30 years ago, two people who, when they were the age that I am now, were already a few years married and making a beautiful home and life together. Their advice is mainly: don't worry about it, love will come. I appreciate that they don't also espouse that great myth of love, that "love comes when you're not looking for it." I have never, not once, ever, not wanted good partner-love. And my level of desperation has had zero correlation with whether or not I found it. This "stop looking for it and it will come" idea is another dangerous manifestation of the illusion of control, that you can have any control over what is, essentially, a cosmic lottery. But certainly, "not worrying about it" would help the time pass more easy. My parents are right. My mom is right. In the meantime: I've been going on dates. In the last few months there have been a slew of auditions for the role of partner, not limited to but including: The Bro, The Mispronouncer, The Physicist, The Bad News Lion, The Posey Pony, the Engineer, and now, The Young Calvinist. That last one is sweet and uncomplicated; being with him has the effect of making me feel less complicated. This is a good thing. We'll see how it works out!